A divorce can be a sensitive and painful time for people separating from their loved one. Whatever your reasons for seeking divorce, there is no simple way to grieve the loss of a relationship. Unlike a bereavement, where you may be able to take time off work, grieving a divorce often requires a balance between knowing how to deal with divorce and carrying on with your daily life. Knowing how to deal with the adverse effect of divorce is essential to maintaining your mental and physical wellbeing.
Although we all process grief in different ways, there are some considerations to make in the aftermath of divorce proceedings to bear in mind, of which we will look at in this article.
The initial stages
When the decision is made to file for divorce and separate from your partner, your initial feelings will be hard to process. Confusion, shock and grief will be strong feelings, and often entwine with another to leave you feeling emotionally vulnerable. Each relationship is different, and therefore personal circumstances will vary depending on the context of why the decision was made. The journey you take on how to deal with divorce will be one of your own making, with no definitive timescale set.
The art of acceptance
There are multiple things you must accept, and the most important component of acceptance is accountability for your own emotions and feelings. Understandably, there will be raw emotions that you find difficult to conceal initially, as hurt, anger and shock will cloud some element of rationality. It must be stressed that to feel this way is completely normal in the aftermath of such a delicate process such as divorce. Accept that you are likely to feel and think differently for a period of time and that your usual feelings may subside or feel heightened for a little while.
Allow yourself time
How to deal with divorce involves the process of healing, so allow yourself enough time to do so and correctly. If there are other external pressures that feel overwhelming, then take yourself away from anything that could cause further undue stress, until you feel able to confront other pressures that life brings.
If the decision to divorce is not one that you initiated or wanted, then those feelings are likely to feel much stronger, and take longer to heal. Regardless of the circumstances, both of you will want different things, so finding a common ground whereby you can agree on important issues is key. Deciding on factors such as asset division and custody of children, and agreeing on this outside of a courtroom is extremely helpful. An amicable divorce benefits all parties, both financially and psychologically.
By working together to solve the difficult challenges and issues that are a result of your separation, the process of divorce will be much easier to compartmentalise. A lawyer who specialises in family law can help the process be much smoother and easier to navigate. Aside from the legalities of the process being handled with due diligence, a professional family lawyer can ensure that both sides are taken into account, and the possibility of an amicable divorce is much likelier.
Prioritise your mindfulness
Your thoughts will naturally focus on the future, and perhaps how your personal and family life will look in the forthcoming weeks and months. Although we understand it will be challenging to do so, trying to remain optimistic and positive in the short-term by focusing on the immediate future is the best approach to take. Allowing your daily life to remain as normal as possible, by focusing on work, hobbies, interests and confiding in friends and family as often as possible, will allow you to stay busy and keep your mind as occupied as possible. Perhaps, even write down or make notes of how you are feeling and record the things that you are doing each day, however menial they may seem. Routine can be your best friend at a time when things are far from normal.
As with any adverse situation in life, it can be difficult to orchestrate all your thoughts to your close family or friends. Having somebody from a neutral perspective listen to your issues is a valuable resource you can utilise. They can help with healing, decision making and counteracting any grief you may feel in the initial stages. Most importantly, they can provide a calm understanding and allow you to regain confidence and control in your decision making.
Divorce mediation with Cath Karlin Family Law
If you’re currently going through a divorce in Scotland, then Cath Karlin Family Law can help with each step of the separation process. If you require further information in relation to this, and want to discuss the options available to you, then please don’t hesitate to contact us and we will do all we can to ensure an amicable divorce for all parties.